hope...

Maybe you could tell from my last post that I wasn't in such a great place. Yes, it was relatively obvious. Sorry for letting that out on my blog! but anyway, through the struggle, there is hope.

After dwelling in this kind of hopelessness, I had an awesome conversation with my youth pastor/boss. She told me. "Don'be let worries about next year be defined by what you do, rather by who you are and who you become". The fact is, it doesn't matter what I do, next year, because God is going to use me and grow me no matter what. This thought has become a mindset, and this mindset has really freed up my thinking...

SO what now? Well, I started looking at church internship programs in the states. Found one that I filled out an application for in HAWAII!! But keeping options open to do something radical. Then, after speaking to a lady in our church who runs the missions and justice side of Grace, she suggested that I could go work at this orphanage about 2 hours away from where I am. it has like a thousand kids and is an amazing ministry, but just short staffed. Wouldn't that be a way to spend the year?

See, the point is not that my future is all worked out, its that God is in control, and if I keep seeking after what HE wants for me, then all will be good. I came across this psalm that has really encouraged me and become my 'theme psalm' for the moment :)

Its Psalm 16 (NLT):

5Lord , you alone are my inheritance, my cup of blessing.
You guard all that is mine.
The land you have given me is a pleasant land.
What a wonderful inheritance!

I will bless the Lord who guides me;
even at night my heart instructs me.
I know the Lord is always with me.
I will not be shaken, for he is right beside me.

No wonder my heart is glad, and I rejoice.
My body rests in safety.
For you will not leave my soul among the deads
or allow your holy ones to rot in the grave.
You will show me the way of life,
granting me the joy of your presence
and the pleasures of living with you forever!

blogging is tougher than it looks...

Finding times to write stuff out is difficult, especially when you don't think you're a very good writer! I apologise for my lack of brilliant writing skills, and pray that these skills will improve as I continue this blog!

How am I doing personally? ... not great. Having a tough time at life and can't really explain why. looking at the past week or 2, I think one thing that may have begun this lull that I am in was failing my drivers test!! aah, it was terrible. Just reminds me how much I hate the South African licensing and driving system. but lets not dwell on that, whats done is done. let just hope I can book another date somewhat soon and pass second time round.

The future is a scary place... especially when you have no idea what it looks like!

Going to study in the states this year is beginning to look like a fantasy. I finally was able to get an application in for Belmont, but without a social security number at hand, applying with FAFSA is going to be difficult, and very late. Its sad really, I don't know what the next step should be. There is a chance I may be in the States in June with my mom, once again applying for an SS number! I'm also going to start looking at the possibility of doing something at a community college, and maybe try do some online courses before enrolling for Belmont in 2011. In summary, PLEASE pray for dirrection for my life in this next year. It is a struggle, and I am beginning to get anxious with the future.

I guess now, after reading Proverbs 2 this week, I am trying to be extra wise in all of my decisions. Easier said then done, but I believe that God has a huge plan for my life, and he will make it happen, even when stuff gets in the way.

Psalm 31:15a... "My future is in your hands."

Something fresh...

www.youversion.com

My new favourite website!
why? well basically, you make an account, log in, and have access to a bible in every different translation, a journal, bookmarks, tags, notes, and the list goes on. I started using this website about a week ago, and it has really helped 're-kickstart' my scripture reading and personal devotion times. I'm the kind of person that needs direction, and a personal online bible reading plan is exactly what I needed! Go Check it out!